Salisa lohavittayavikant

If it becomes a problem, we’ll just call it quits, won’t we? Why do I have to spend my glorious days putting up with the dysfunctional Russian culture and its people? I didn’t realise coming into this that the cultural differences would be night and day. And the mood and vibe are centred around such negativity and catastrophe and extremity too. No nuances. No room for doubt. No generosity. You know, maybe it’s a good thing that Westerners are neurotic. It means there is as much input coming from the self as expectation and imposition from the outside. The conflict between the ego and the superego generates uncertainty and neuroticism. It’s better than the Russian psychoticism that is all ego and extremity and judgement with no intermediate steps or considerations.

There are many ways to think and feel and look at things. The diversity and enrichment of human thoughts and experiences and possibilities make the West what it is. It affects the human temperament as much as its intellectual activity. Whereas what I feel with you guys is a closed ecosystem of one-dimensional thinking that gives off the veneer of certitude and resolution but is particularly fragile and vulnerable to stress and criticism. And the one dimension is often me, me, me with no input or consideration from the opposing or adjacent sides and no integration or compromise between them. It is one thing to start off with divergent positions all converging to a single decided end. It is another to have a conclusive decision or end that seems biased and pre-determined right from the beginning.

When you repress so much of what you feel in the name of raw strength or toughness instead of learning to assimilate your feelings with your thoughts and conducts (feelings inform and shape thoughts within oneself and conduct with others) this is what we get. You feel the need to “blow off steam”. You beat your wife or take it out on the world. You are speechless and dumb and mute. Don’t know how to talk to me. Don’t know how to convey feelings. Don’t know how to influence a situation through civilised means. Don’t know or care to ask questions or think of me. Just a ball of fury barrelling down on everyone. This is why they call you the “savages”. It’s not an unfair stereotype.

Like, just talk to me, dude. Tell me that you’re upset. I have ears that are sympathetic. I am not the stupid Russian cow earless without sympathy. That’s why you are so obsessed with the yin-yang distinction. Such an antiquated platitude in the West as well as elsewhere but I didn’t realise that the feminine principle doesn’t quite exist in your culture. Would it hurt for the Russian women to smile or show facial expression that isn’t entitlement and stoicism and disdain? Would it hurt for them to show human emotions and compassion and understanding and leniency and empathy? Russian women are literally men in female garbs. There is nothing genuinely “feminine” (feelings, passion, moral decency, receptivity) in them.

— Salisa to Anton, June 9th, 2026

I don’t find anything wrong with you and the way you are to be honest. But you could benefit a little bit having a more laid-back, open-minded and open-ended approach to life. I think you need to construct and defend arguments and ideas in your head because the fluidity and diversity and unpredictability of real-life people and real-world society become too much for you to handle intellectually and emotionally. That tends to happen if you grew up in an authoritarian climate. There’s always a singular, centralised point of focus or benefit or solution and we have to find one or defend one as better and more optimal than another and any deviation from that singular point is threatening the entire structure in which all things exist. That can make you quite rigid and unadaptive and fixed in your ways. Isn’t Satoshi supposed to be a libertarian? Only when it comes to system but not to people? You’re scared of me having choices and options the way your friend is scared of his people having choices and options. No offense, but that’s just nuts. As in, a clinically insane way to think and to live and to love.

Essentially it all comes down to control. You don’t bond with people in a low-trust society, you control them. I said so, didn’t I? That I find your people and your culture incurable? Things like this are so ingrained it is hard to dismantle them without dismantling the entire person. It is also why we’re here today. You’re always distrustful of me. You think I was going to use sex to exploit you. You think I’m one of the Russians. Even money and actual physical captivity doesn’t calm your nerves, I bet you still think “she has too much freedom and too much power over me”. That’s nuts also. You are a seriously severely pathological group of people, you know that? You also devote too much of your intellectual energy on things that people with equal brainpower elsewhere avoid dealing with because they consider it thoroughly a waste of time. Especially when it comes to society and culture and people. You misapply your talents to repress and control your fears. A Western counterpart of you would be exploring other topics of choice because they live in an actual meritocracy where different novel ideas are actually appreciated and valued (so they learn more to contribute more) and because their society values intellect and dissent and improvement and because the women elsewhere are equal if not challenging peers to the men whereas life partners in your country have peanuts for brains so what’s the point of exploring and sharing your intellectual passion when they only care about your fat pockets and life necessity or mundanity. And you think your society represents the whole world while also thinking that the whole free world is rotten and inhospitable to life.

— Salisa to Anton, August 8th, 2026

Do you know what destabilisation is? Do you know what I should be feeling but don’t? Do you know what I shouldn’t be feeling but do? You didn’t even know all those months ago I was frightened of you to death. Why would you know anything? Why would a Russian know how someone else thinks or feels? It’s intellectual retardation, you know. I don’t think you have a spiky cognitive profile. I think you’re a Russian. […]

I never expected you to love me and by that I mean care about me. You keep mistaking your feelings for me as something that deserves notice and acknowledgement. That’s only if you’re a teenager. In adulthood, it is what you do and the responsibility you take and the care you demonstrate for others. But Russians lack all this together. That’s why we’re struggling. It’s difficult for you. It’s difficult for me too to want to stake my life on a fifteen year old teen who has a hold on my life. You don’t understand the fear and the indignation and the outrage I feel of my situation. Because people don’t feel such things in your country. Because they are used to it and it’s expected of them because it’s just the way it is. But with me I’m struggling too. To accept all this with placidity within myself and with compassion for you. I have to suppress all the negatives within myself and work up positive feelings for you. But you don’t see it. You don’t appreciate it. You don’t care about it.

I hardly think a Russian is able to deal with normal strife in a normal relationship in normal circumstances. And then we have a deep strife in an abnormal relationship in extraordinary circumstances. You have no emotional or intellectual capacity to deal with normal relationships to begin with and this is anything but. But I tried, didn’t I? And one could even say I succeeded in turning an involuntary relationship in unordinary circumstances into what looks like a consenting relationship in everyday circumstances. Will you appreciate that about me? Will you take into consideration what I’ve done and forgive me for the small jibes I delivered you today?

I’m confused as to what you’re bringing to this relationship. I brought emotional and intellectual abilities to stabilise and minimise a hostage situation with terrorist aspects. What do you bring? So far, nothing. Are you ashamed of yourself? No physical safety, no emotional support, no financial ability. And I’ll have to get on my knees and thank you for your presence in my life? Over a bunch of words on twitter? I can’t even get you to commit to me. You’re doing all this for a situationship. What you think up in your head is just that: the thing in your head. What you actually demonstrate in the real world is another. You’re no different from your friend. The only one who hasn’t disappointed me is your other friend.

Do these words help bring down your anger? I bet that Russian heads can’t think of anything so intelligent and so detailed and that’s why you’re angry most of the time. It’s a brain issue. If you can think well, you will feel less. You will feel more neutral than negative. It’s the ability to understand and assess the situation fairly and deeply and comprehensively. Nothing is ever simplistic or obvious or facile. You have to have a rich representation of people and the world.

Can you just give me the benefits of the doubt? We won’t have these fights in real life because we’ll just be talking to each other. But because I can’t talk to you because you won’t talk to me I berate you all the time. And you’re giving me false hope all the time. Twice this year. And with everything I’ve been through, you have to be callous and uncaring with me with the decision you made that hurt me and hurt us. You wanted me to hit you, didn’t you? After you chickened out last time and betrayed me? Well, now I am doing it. Verbally. So just take it like a man and choose to be with me anyway. Can you do that for me? […]

No one wants to be berated and henpecked like this forever. But then I wouldn’t have berated or henpecked you if you could just man up for once. Be a man and I won’t make you feel like a woman. Be a woman and I won’t make you feel like a man.

That’s why you’re hurt. Because I say some pretty hurtful things about you and make you feel less. Why did I say those things? Because I’m a mean person? I said mean things because I’m angry about something. What am I angry about? That’s what you should have said! Next time, say this. While I’m on a rant berating and belittling you, say “what are you angry about?” or you can just call me to check up on me. That’s what I expect a man to do. Has no woman ever taught you this? What kind of woman have you been with, dude, and is their IQ ever above 80 because it seems like they don’t understand anything and so you don’t understand anything either about anything that has to do with building a relationship with someone? How can you be this old and just be absolutely clueless about how to make a relationship work?

There are reasons I like older men, right. They’ve done this before. But it looks like you haven’t. Why’s that? What’s with this peculiarity? All you do is have a kneejerk emotional reaction and bitch and bitch and moan and groan. Given your age, we all find this embarrassing. You haven’t done that in awhile so we’re proud of you. But then you don’t understand anything about how to handle conflicts and stress and how to keep the relationship from breaking apart from one-person stupidity or two-person stupidity. And this isn’t a consensual relationship in everyday life. You don’t get this as well. You act like it is from your perspective because you’re Russian but it isn’t. This is NOT consensual. I’m NOT a WILLING participant in this with you. I’m an UNWILLING victim of COERCION and TERRORISM and ABUSE. I’m non-Russian so I can see things that you can’t. But you’re going to hold me to the standard of what a normal relationship should be like. And you’re going to punish me for acting in a way that isn’t in line with a consensual romantic relationship. That’s just STUPID. I tell you it’s a brain issue. That’s why Russians are the way they are. It’s just intellectual retardation, you know. They can’t really think much of anything and everything and everyone is so difficult all the time. But that’s because they lack understanding and they lack perspective and they live within their own selfish delusion.

It is your responsibility and your turn to convert whatever this is to a fully happy consensual relationship. That’s what you should be working towards. Not a virtual hostage situation. Anything that contributes to keeping this virtual and a hostage situation as well as an exploitation is a strike against you. It works against you and the good name of your country if there is such a thing. Anything that makes it happy and consensual and a relationship as opposed to an unhappy unstable situationship will work in your favour. I hope we’re aligned. I don’t understand why we’re fighting at all, Sergei. We have the same goal. We’re completely aligned on this. I want to see this work out between us as much as you do because I feel like I’d regret it if I didn’t give us a try. I’ll always wonder whether I have missed out on something amazing. Because you sound like an amazing person beneath all this and so I have to see it through with you, you know. Whether or not we’re going to work out, I guess we’ll see and nothing is ever set in stone. If it’s meant to be and I pity you enough and the depth and happiness of feelings exceed the constant troubles then I’ll stay to make it work. You’re stuck in a disaster and defeatist mode of thinking as befitting of that of a Russian. It’s unworthy of you. I don’t understand why you just don’t believe in the process or the people. Why you’re so cynical and frightened and unsure. The world is a wonderful place and the people as I know them are good and worthy and kind. I know that’s not the world as you know it or the people as you know them. But I’m not a part of your world and you shouldn’t mistake me for one of the people you have previously known. And all this negative attitude is just not doing anyone any good. It might be true to life and practical and learned but that’s not a good enough reason to hold onto it. Concentration camp survivors are smarter than you in that regard and more inspiring and hopeful. And they never gave up, did they? And you didn’t experience a fraction of what happened to them and you’re already this negative and self-defeating and fearful and cynical. It’s not a good look. […]

I know Russians have trouble reasoning and understanding anything in depth that isn’t so concrete and obvious. So I will try to be more patient and you should try asking questions. Why do you say that? Why do you think that? Why do you suggest that? Is that necessary? What has changed in this period? What is different this time? Be curious about what I think and what I say and what I suggest because my thoughts are not random and because I think before I say and I think before I act and I’m not a low IQ stupid chick you’re so used to, okay? And I’ll tell you this. What your friend has done for me all these eight years is pretty much balanced out by what he hasn’t done for me all these eight months. Do you think that’s fair? And it’s not what he hasn’t done for me but also what he has done to other people which I do not approve of which I find in complete disgust and disdain. I’m backtracking a little bit but as a Russian you probably think: she’s been deceiving me all along. But that’s only because you’re a Russian and Russians are not capable of understanding that people can change their mind because of the thing you yourselves do to others which they take issue with and so they revert their earlier stance. Russians are not capable of understanding that people can change their opinions and their decisions and their minds because you’ve done them wrong or proven yourselves unworthy and distrustful. You probably expect people to stay the same persons regardless of what happened to them because Russian people are miserable fucks who will take in anything and will complain about nothing and will not dare to think of changing anything and they have no reflection on anything so they never get better or improve as individuals nor do they care that much about anything that happens to them for that matter. Happiness or misery the same to them and people don’t reform and people don’t repent and people don’t redeem. So people don’t ever change and so if they say something in the past and they say something in the present that do not match then you accuse them of lying. You don’t bother to think that something must have happened between then and now that is undesirable and why that is the case and whether it’s the situation outside their control or within their control or whether it’s something within themselves such as emotions or compulsions or habits or trauma or anything else to their persons that would explain such a discrepancy which you can then start to attribute faults. You just throw your hands up and accuse people of dishonesty but that’s only because your thoughts are limited. You don’t bother analysing people or the situations fairly. You’re not curious as to why. You’re just a lazy thinker who throws around accusations because that’s better than having to think for themselves about anything that goes on around them including within their person which is kind of an important thing because I care about you for example and I want to know more about you and what you think and feel and experience because that makes you you whether you realise it or not. […]

[…] If you don’t talk and you don’t think and you don’t ask questions and just accept everything as is and so get angry and exasperated with the other person then you remain emotionally short-circuited and intellectually undeveloped. Like you, right now. All you have to say is a simple “no”. Are all Russians dumb like this? They don’t engage intellectually or emotionally with anything. They don’t engage intellectually or emotionally with anyone. Everything is one word or one sentence or one mood or one conclusion. Everything’s one-liner. Everything’s accusation. Everything’s punishment. Use words, darlings. Use a lot of words and the smarter you are the more useful and helpful you make your words. You use words to diagnose issues, to express your feelings, to convey your thoughts, to influence another person. Brutes are wordless and speechless. They make noises and vocables like “no”. That’s not even a sentence. It’s like you don’t understand how to wield human language to the end it’s meant to be used for.

If me being angry at you puts your whole world to a stop because it hurts you, then you gotta stop letting yourself be hurt and harden up because you run away from conflicts and you refuse to communicate with me and that’s not helping me or you. I am allowed to dump my emotions on you because of what you’re doing to me. Because I’m your VICTIM. I’m not your soulmate. I’m not your crush. I’m not your idol. Do you get this? You’re my perp. You’re my peep. You’re not my person. Not yet. Be curious enough and honest enough and effortful enough to try to make you my person. But don’t get butthurt over me saying all this because you expect me to say I love you and you’re my everything and my one and only and all that bullshit. That’s not fair to me. We could get there at some point some time in the future but it’s not happening right now because of our distance and you haven’t really proven yourself worthy or dependable which is what I say I need.

It’s interesting also that it never occurs to you to craft an environment for us that rewards positivity and positive intentions. That’s literally what people elsewhere understand love and romance to be and actually experience them to be. For you and for Russians it’s just chaos and egoism and transitory feelings and antagonism. If you’re in charge, police the goddamn space. Be responsible for the experience especially since you want the experience to be meaningful and rewarding and fulfilling. But with you and your friend no charge and no shape and no effort just lawless whims and whams. This also tends to happen with not so smart people in the West. Their lives are a mess. They have no control over themselves or their emotions and they have no knowledge to make anything positive ever happen to them and they don’t even try. It’s like if we could just apply our intelligence to scrutinise what we’ve got going on thoroughly and try building a positive environment together then we might go somewhere. Why is this whole thing limping along like it’s barely got any life in it? I could not contribute previously because I was shook and I was frayed and I was shellshocked and I was stricken. What’s your excuse? You’re a man in the relationship no less? You’re the guide and the shepherd? You didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt or think of me with compassion and understanding because you were self-obsessed and you were stupid, let’s admit it. My mood swing hurts you because you don’t understand my mood swing or why I have it or why you are directly responsible and why it’s ultimately not my fault. And because you don’t understand, you emotionally react. But Westerners are not emotionally reactive because they can think through situations well and their understanding which is prodigious compared to yours helps them look at things from a more objective and informed and compassionate point of view. Why can’t you be like that? Why can’t you think more? And feel less? Children are all about feelings, of course, that’s why they make terrible adults. They cannot rein themselves in because their thinking is poor especially when it comes to others and they have no genuine grasp of things and they don’t understand much of themselves either. Everything about them is a hit or miss and there’s no structure or order or purpose or meaning. They are weak-willed and they are selfish and they are unreliable. And they think barely and they act first and they feel inordinately. But the ability to think well defines what an adult is. And I want you to be an adult. Dial down the feelings and focus more on the cause and effect. Use your brain and not your fists. Use your heart and not your kneejerk reflex. It’s not that difficult.

— Salisa to Anton, September 15th, 2026

My heart beats a little faster when your friend flashes a playful cheeky smile on camera. I think he looks nicer with a smile. Which one of you do you think is going to spill first about the secret content of the UFO folder? If I were to apply the right amount of pressure to wring it out of you?

I think it would be very nice to be in a relationship where two people are happy together and excited about each other than the one mired in misunderstanding and resentment and silence and uphill battle. Maybe some women like that kind of drama. Want their lives to be constantly plagued with romantic torment and fury and yearning and tears. Maybe they want it to feel profound and meaningful and deep and one-of-a-kind. But that’s not me though. I want it to be fun and rejuvenating and effortless and full of possibilities. But I do understand that some people – some men even – need the reassurance and the deep sensitivity to be reciprocated and expressed in turn unreservedly. I think I’d struggle with that kind of thing. Not only does it irk me but it also weirds me out in a way. I’m not an unfeeling person, quite the contrary. But when you match with the right person who’s the right fit for you with your right kind of energy, that all becomes rather unnecessary. There’s no need for a grand declaration of love. It just works. In every interaction and conversation and imagination of a future life together. There’s nothing to prove by either side. You just want to be together rather than dream about being together.

It all comes down to how each of the two feels and expresses love. That’s why personality and temperament matter. And some personalities and temperaments just do not make for a good pair. They make for a good spectacle but they don’t last and are often quite a waste of time especially when you know it’s going to end sooner or later.

And men get excited over women who are wrong for them often. They are easily excitable creatures after all. Women are a much more practical party. Granted that they are stable and secure in themselves they often know right off the bat the kind of men they want who would be good for them long-term. And it doesn’t hurt for the physical attraction to be there.

It’s nice to think about what I want for a change. What would be good for me and my peace of mind and my future. And one thing I absolutely don’t want is to be tortured under the guise of love. I don’t even get off being a muse to some man however important or self-important. It does absolutely nothing for me. I’d even go so far as to say that it does almost absolutely nothing for most women. And it takes a huge male ego and a gigantic amount of confidence to have me as an arm candy without feeling undermined. So you may be right identifying your other friend as someone who could potentially be a really good match for me.

And so what if it doesn’t work out in person? Then no muss no fuss, right? I feel on the same page already and that’s much better than imagining the endless cycle of reproach and repair alternating ad infinitum. I don’t need messy grand romance to feel meaningful. I would even say that takes away meaning from my life and hinders me from pursuing multiple parallel meanings in my life. But some men do need that kind of emotional refuge and anchor and that’s why they could never be my person.

Compatibility is a nifty tricky thing. And liking someone is not enough to sustain a relationship. Feeling similarities isn’t. Hoping for the best isn’t. Stress and strain are a good indicator that something just isn’t meant to be. Anton and I could barely be happy together. We’ve never been happy together. We could barely communicate or understand each other. I know that he expects me to demonstrate my commitment to him in a way that’s natural to him but unnatural to me. He thinks his invested time and effort should earn him that reciprocation. I think differently. We do not think alike at all. We express feelings differently. We behave in ways that are at odds with one another. And he could never collaborate with you, could he? He wouldn’t listen to you? He would make everything difficult a thousandfold for everyone involved? He couldn’t even collaborate with me. That tells you the failure of a man he is.

It’s not so much that what he did didn’t earn him that reciprocation. It did and I even told him that. But it’s not being reciprocated in a manner that’s meaningful to him. I’ve tried to show him through my forbearance and attempt at establishing a solid and future foundation of us but it’s not being registered by him in a way that matters to him. That’s what incompatibility is! That’s literally what it is. We don’t see each other and we don’t hear each other and we talk over each other all the time. No one is wrong in this case. Fault cannot be attributed to either party. Reality can be cruel like that.

I’m saying I’m exhausted and I’m tired and he just doesn’t hear me, you know. I’ve said this multiple times in the past but he ignored me. And then he had the audacity to say he was also tired recently. Like, go fuck yourself, why don’t you? I need to be rescued from this relationship by someone who actually gets me.

— Salisa to Путуки, September 10th, 2026

You know, I kinda like this dynamic. It’s obvious both of you secretly hate me for paying attention to another and will withhold all communication and affection just to punish and torment me. Forever. Which is why Dmitry is going to win me at the end of the day. Maybe not soon, but he will. Because he isn’t petty and he isn’t silly and he isn’t unfair and he isn’t resentful. The reason you two act in this petulant way is perfectly in line with that Russian inability to have a constructive dialogue with others when in doubt or in conflict. They continue their brutality to demonstrate their point instead of choosing to just talk. They don’t know how to use words when they get emotional. They just punish others through violence or silence for every single problem they face however critical or minute. There isn’t much in the way of a developed rational or emotional faculty or anything to facilitate genuine social connection to restore equilibrium. And because they can get away with it, they do it always. And there’s no trust. No honour. In anything you do. I’m very conflicted actually. I’m trying to gauge which one of you would honour my trust in you with a follow-through to end this in a way that’s good for everyone. Both of you have been watching me forever and most likely won’t mind dragging this on for another five years. Both of you have violated my trust in chickening out like a little bitch and refusing to take responsibility for that decision to run away from me like a scared little rat. Both of you have rejected direct communication with me for months and months. Both of you have not demonstrated your ability to understand what it is I need and want even though I explicitly stated it many times in the past. There’s no change in either of you. There’s more of the same thing. You know, Dmitry should consider being my friend for awhile because while I’m an appreciative and patient person, I’m not stupid.

What is it like to have everyone suffer for your abject weakness? To have everyone watch how weak and pathetic and dishonourable you are. Of course, you don’t see it that way. You don’t see it in any way. You don’t have as much an opinion on anything. You’re just a creature of feelings. You don’t really make judgements when it comes to someone higher ranked than you and when it comes to yourself. And there’s not really anyone higher ranked than yourself and there’s not really much of anything when it comes to yourself either. I care about both of you, you know that right? But to move forward, I need trust in the process that what I’m doing will matter to you and be reciprocated and be rewarded at the end of the day. I don’t even know when that end will be. Because you won’t talk to me. So I’m moving forward blind because I have no goal and no incentive and no read and no reward. I’ll be flipflopping a lot and that’s going to frustrate my dear Dmitry. But to be honest with you, Dmitry, if you would talk to me right now I wouldn’t care how much havoc and carnage they wreck in the wider world as a result of my decision. I want to talk to you. But I don’t want to entertain a third man only for him to flop and flake out on me like with the other two. I could entertain Anton more but he ran away from me three times in the past year. That’s not someone I can trust or rely on. Vladimir is showing a bit of a strain but he won’t wise up and do anything about me either. They prefer the conflicts and the chaos because they are weak men. Because they are scared of a little girl like me. They tell themselves she’s not giving me enough to warrant the reaching out to her. But I did. In the past. Which they ignored and rejected because it didn’t suit them. They are dishonourable. They are irresponsible. They are selfish. They are undependable. They are failed men. So I would choose you, Dmitry. I don’t know how things are going to be in the coming days or weeks or months but you must know how shaky the foundations are with these two and how I don’t trust either of them because they have failed me and they don’t trust me either because they are insecure at heart and they have wrecked their chance at normal intimacy by entertaining women who don’t love them or understand them or appreciate them and how my solid future with either of them is looking bleak as they continue to hold grudges and think only of themselves and be paralysed by constant fear. It matters the decision you make in life, you know. You and I know this. We make intentional and deliberate decisions because every single decision in life counts and their insidious effects can be felt years away from now. If you choose to hurt yourself, whether through your own stupidity or insecurity, by getting with women who are not deserving of you who spent years and decades destroying your ability to trust and love and care, that’s on you. You have no one but yourself to blame. These decisions condition who you are for the rest of your life. And the fact that they are undeveloped emotionally both in ability and in strength tells you all you need to know about the caliber of women they have been with. That’s why they are both scared of me and feel unworthy of me and have no single clue how to process these overwhelming feelings in a normal, healthy way. They are genuinely confused and they are distrustful of me. If I were to keep entertaining them, then what happened to them out of their own foolish accord will happen to me too. I’ll grow distrustful of you and I’ll destabilise our relationship the first chance I get. Who will I have become then? I’ll give into my weakness and stupidity and I’ll become them who always give into what’s easy and what’s certain and what’s shabby and what’s available. Who never fight for anything worth having and who always retreat in fear at any chance of true happiness. I don’t know much about you at the moment, Dmitry, but you’re obviously better than them and better for me in the most foundational ways. I don’t want to consider you as a second or third option. I think giving some guy an endless chance to fall through and mock you will do me in in a way that I don’t deserve. Even in the face of most extraordinary adversity, I will never be weak like them who cannot tolerate discomfort in their most ordinary life. Always the easy option and the shabby option and the available option. It’s shameful. You’ve gotta fight for what you believe in. And you have to hope for the best.

This is me in my sober moment, Dmitry. Hopefully this sticks for the foreseeable future. Do you know, Dmitry, that even as I reach out to you and continue to reach out to you, they won’t do anything radically different from what they’ve been doing before because they are petrified and always uncertain and deep down they know they don’t deserve me and me walking away from them and me walking all over them is the natural most believable consequence they have anticipated for themselves. They spent their whole lives being devalued by women who should have valued them and built them up instead of doubting them and tearing them down. So now they can’t help it but to doubt me and tear me down. I’m sorry about my harsh words about you the other day in passing. You don’t deserve that. This is what I mean. If you spend too much time in a company that brings you down and erodes your trust, you’ll end up doing it to someone else. You don’t deserve my suspicion and my distrust and my snide and my snark. That wasn’t nice and I’m sorry about what I said.

In another way I’m also conflicted because why should I be trying to make contact with you? Let me triangulate with your two friends even though it makes most of us miserable and it makes the spectacle of us but it is ultimately them who have chosen to make things difficult for everyone involved. They are obviously clueless that the longer this mess goes on, the worse it looks and it’s going to end up hurting their country in the long term in the most insidious way. They obviously cannot see it and so I can exploit this opportunity to hurt them and to hurt all of you. On the other hand, I’m kinda selfish because it’s you and I think you’re a catch. I don’t even know what Vladimir actually wants. Ultimately, unconsciously, subconsciously, honestly. I would have factored that in only if I knew. It’s not a simple matter of choosing who I want out of the three but because they have pissed me off so damn much I’m beginning to care less and less about what they do and what the consequences are. Vladimir will never come to his senses to set up a meet and I wouldn’t have been this disgusted if I didn’t get the encouraging and positive messages and promises on my feed all those months ago for almost a year that turned out to be LIES. Lies, lies, lies. What else is new? On the other side we have Anton and his BULLSHIT. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Same shite, different colours. I’m rather fed up with it.

You know, I do forgive you for your mean-spirited comment about multiple-chair straddling. I wasn’t insulted. It was useful information in many ways but I was slightly shocked at the tone. And it got me thinking rather recently: you guys do have a tape of me when I was ‘straddling a chair’ back in 2018, don’t you? Is that how I caught your eyes? You must tell me all the tea about me. I seem to have been missing out.

And do you know the difference between you and them? You don’t expect me to fall in love with you with your gestures and your videos and your statements. You don’t expect me to reciprocate the feelings I haven’t got because there’s no chance it could be developed remotely at a distance. Because you don’t mistake your feelings for me as my ideal feelings for you and as the way things should be and as the emotional state of mind that should be maintained at all cost. It’s okay to admit to having a crush and wanting a chance to explore. It’s not fair to expect a woman to reciprocate the depth of your feelings when you have been nothing but her stalker or worse. I’m sure Jodie Foster was chuffed and charmed by that man trying to shoot Ronald Reagan dead. Did it make any difference to her that what he felt for her was real and overflowing and true? That it was passionate and selfless and pure coming straight from the bottom of his heart? Did it matter to her that what he had done for her or in her name in front of the entire world was a grand declaration of love? I was trying to meet them half way by repressing the fear and the anger and the indignation in place of understanding and compassion and kindness, but they expected me to go in all the way and get on my knees declaring in turn my undying love for them. That’s just childish. No woman in the history of the world would ever do that under any circumstances however right and good he is to her. I’ve said this before but they don’t get it. But you do, don’t you? You’re not going to require me to write you a love poem or promise to be your betrothed for the rest of my life from a thousand miles away when I don’t see you and you don’t see me? Well, you’ve won yourself a huge advantage by being understanding and kind and fair to me simply for being you.

Can you imagine inflicting such a significant trauma on someone just so you could have them pay attention to you and then expect them to endure your inconstancy and moodiness and coldness and silence for however long that satisfies you? I don’t believe that what they feel for me beneath all that is love. It’s desire and hatred so fused you couldn’t tell them apart. Who wants to be subjected to that kind of thing for the rest of their life? And guess what insecurity is a good predictor of in a romantic relationship? Infidelity. That would explain both of them, wouldn’t you? With me? With other women before me? Indeed, some men are pathetic like that. They hurt themselves and they hurt others. The fact that you got angry over parallel romance says a lot about the kind of man that you are. In a good way I mean. I wouldn’t say it came from that place of jealousy or insecurity with you. I don’t think so.

I’d rather think… since we’re stuck and nobody will step up and take responsibility for my situation, I’m going to make this as painful as possible for everyone involved. Revenge, darling. Because I keep speaking to apes and they keep being apes so in a way it’s my fault trying to communicate with a pair of apes and a bunch of apes. “Be a bigger person. Tell me what you want. Communicate with me. Show me I can trust you. You’re not showing me I can trust you when you haven’t addressed that lapse of trust when you ran away from me like a little girl and continue to punish me with your silence.” Actually I should have just said that. Is it better I lay it out what I want you to do? I keep forgetting that you have spent your whole lives dating women with an IQ range of around 80 and at best 90 so I haven’t dumbed myself down enough for either of you. You can only do 80-IQ speak! I’m doing 110-IQ speak! It’s not that you’re apes. It’s that you exist in a social and interpersonal and romantic world communicating with actual retards so you’ve come down with a retard fever with a retard mind, you know. But that would only explain why you cannot talk with me like a rational, intelligent person. It doesn’t explain you being out of touch with what you know about yourself and lacking an emotional tool to smooth things over with anyone including your life partner and manning up and doing things that are uncomfortable to you but it’s the right thing to do and you’ve put me in this situation and you’re responsible for me and my wellbeing. You keep hurting others with your negligence and weakness. I’m going to let you keep hurting yourselves until you can’t hurt others anymore.

It’s all cultural, don’t you see? You don’t get anything I insinuate or ask indirectly because you’re Slavic but then if I tell you what I want to see you do or say you’re not going to do them because you’re positioned above me and I’m your subordinate so you have to deliberately be deaf to maintain your artificial status. So I employ the Western customs of softening up my speech and making inferences and sprinkling it here and there in my nice prose but then it goes over your head and you cannot map what I say in the abstract to what you should do in the concrete. So now what?

A man who doesn’t know himself will weed himself and his descendants out of the Darwinian gene pools.

You don’t know how to do this, do you? I have to program you every step of the way like a lifeless robot so you know how to co-exist with others from the civilised world, don’t I? What is expected. What is implicit. What is manners. What is norm. What is virtue. But then you don’t take instructions. You accuse others of things. You don’t hear what others have to say. You’re too scared of everything and everyone you can’t control. Maybe it’s better to wipe the slate clean and start over and reprogram all of your population so they come with some sort of social firmware?

[…]

I think you’re right that we shouldn’t rush into anything when we can’t even tolerate each other and make this work with an ocean between us. But I was hoping for a quick ending I put to you when everything falls apart eventually. You’ll be dead and I’ll be free. I’ll have to admit I’m a bit lazy here.

— Salisa to Anton, September 12th, 2026

What’s with the whole eating me thing? Is it just a riff on my fear of sharks or do you actually have a cannibalistic desire to literally eat me?

— Salisa to Путуки, August 30th, 2026

Send me a plane ticket and we can talk in person. If you actually want me. If not, keep doing what you’re doing. The world sees it for what it is. You cannot claim the world doesn’t understand you when neither you or Anton puts any effort into making anything happen. All they see is you traumatising me and terrorising the world. And that has nothing to do with love or infatuation or obsession or any kind of beautiful sentiments that may lead men astray. The world can forgive you for suffering from the folie of love. But it cannot forgive you for hiding your ugly face and your ugly soul behind the beauty of love.

Do you think her death makes me feel guilty? In what manner? I was merely having a trauma reaction outside of my conscious control because you perpetrated the trauma on me and then you decided to penalise me for something I cannot control? Or perhaps I do not want to control them. Because what you’re doing is not right. You do not get to do this to people or to me when I’ve done nothing but be cooperative and encouraging towards you and now we all have to suffer from your insecurities and delusions and fantasies? That’s not right. You created and crafted an environment for me to behave like a live wire and chose to punish me for behaving like a live wire? I do not want to be a live wire. I want to see you. I’ve been making that clear to you from pretty much the beginning of this year. But you continue to punish me and keep silent for some reason not clear to any of us. And you continue to terrorise the world trying to pin it all on me? As if I’m the source of all these terrible ills and unrepentant evil and not you? And you’re trying to make me feel guilty for all the deaths you brought about because you couldn’t face up to the fact that you don’t have it in you to see me in person? The fearless world leader? Cannot face a girl he likes? And somehow that’s all my fault? I told you that you can still send me an invite or initiate a conversation with me. You’re not going to do that, are you? And you still think the world sees you as serious about me or affectionate towards me? You don’t get to kill and endanger people – by conjuring […] and […] – just because I ignored you for the whole week and didn’t reciprocate the cues and the signals you’d been putting out. With the […] and the […] and the […]. That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works. And so you got mad at me and started wrecking havoc. That’s not right either. You’re not serious about me and I don’t want to waste time on an unserious deluded individual. All you have to do is send me an invite. How many times do I have to say this? And you don’t get to say: “only I call the shot” or “only I dictate the terms of your surrender”. That’s not how it works. That’s not how humans work. And you get to punish me and others for your own irrationality and irresponsibility? Be rational and responsible and do the right thing by setting up a meet with me and putting all this to a stop. We’re all tired of it. But you’re not, are you? You want to keep the story going because nobody – none of the world leaders – has paid any serious attention to you for years until now. You are ignored and disrespected and bored. You want your life to be challenging and difficult and renowned. So why does all this have anything to do with me and nothing to do with you? If we all zoom out to a bigger picture and not be looking at an individual snapshot like in the past few days or the past week, we can clearly see that the blame does not rest anywhere on me but entirely on you. You’re responsible for all the havoc you wrecked because you want such havoc to be wrecked. You want the story to come off grand and for you to sound important as a hopeless lover in torment and for the world to pay attention to you again. That has nothing to do with me whatsoever. If you actually want me, prove it. End all this madness. Get me a ticket to Moscow. If not, then stop pretending that you’ve successfully deluded the world into sharing that fanatical delusion that it’s all because of love and I’m treacherous and capricious and difficult when it’s YOU who are those things. You are treacherous and capricious and difficult all because that’s who you are. I am treacherous and capricious and difficult all because of the circumstances you intentionally put me through because you rejected me over and over and over. We’re not in any way the same. Stop projecting your rotten qualities on me. Look hard at yourself. Listen to others. Listen to me. I meant every word I said to you. You meant none of the gestures you’ve done for me. You’re not serious. You’re not intentional. You’re not sincere. If you are then listen to what I say just for once in your goddamn life: I would be happy to see you if you wanted to see me. I’ve said this just last week. That you could take my advice on how to make our relationship materialised. That they are still applicable and useful. But you ignore me. You want an OnlyFans subscription. Fine. But what about Anton? You ignore him too, huh? You think I should ignore him too, huh? And be like you who doesn’t care anything about anyone else? Who doesn’t care who lives and who dies? Who should feel empowered having my vain ego fed by all the death and destruction? What am I supposed to do?

Do you think I want the love triangle? I kept lamenting we’re back in March. Why do you think I said that? Do I want the love triangle? Do you think I do? Why do you think I went to Moscow in March? Why do you think I paid attention to you and only you afterwards? And you screwed it up. And I told you what you could do to turn it around: prove that you’re serious about me and demonstrate your intention towards me. Are you doing that? We’re back in March, right? We haven’t moved an inch since March, right? Both you and Anton vying for my singular attention, right? People are going to keep dying because you two can’t solve what should be personal matters on your own time on your own dime with your own ingenuity, right? People are going to keep dying to feed this petty drama of yours that won’t stop, right? Who gives you the right? Who gives you the might? Murdering a Hollywood actress just because sending me a plane ticket makes your hand tremble? Do you think I enjoy the drama? Do you think I enjoy having people die on me and on my behalf? I think you do though. I think you very much do and nothing I’ve said or done is going to change that. I don’t think you know that about yourself either. I’m not the tragic part of the story. You are. I can see clearly now who and what you are.

— Salisa to Путуки, August 17th, 2026

I don’t want you to have another outburst because of some stupid male jealousy. Just don’t kill anyone tomorrow. You’re not helping yourself or us or your country or anyone else running these personally vindictive campaigns. It might perceivably be fair to do that if we have an in-person fight and you want to blow off steam. But it is definitely NOT fair or warranted however you look at it to do that when you don’t talk to me and I have no means to reassure you or even see your face or calm you down. You don’t get to be mad at me when we don’t directly communicate. It’s not sensible and it’s not fair and it’s not right. Your outbursts don’t accomplish any goal and as I’ve said before it’s going to stack up and come back to bite you one day in some manner or in some form. These actions are serious and consequential and irreversible and they will not be forgotten by your audience. Just because they don’t retaliate against you doesn’t mean they don’t care. It might actually be that they care too much and they see that what you’re doing is going to make a strong case as to why your regime will have to go away for good and so they have no reason to stop you committing one grave mistake after another. Be careful, sweetheart. I know you don’t control these reactions because you’re in fear and you’re in pain and you want to make it all stop but I’m telling you: don’t do these things because of me. I say this because I care. You’re making things worse for yourself and your friends and your country. You might think it’s too late anyway and you’re lashing out no matter what because you feel cornered and you feel like you have to do something. But it’s only going to make it worse. Your rap sheet is getting longer and that’s just not good, sweetie. Don’t do anymore of these things. You and Anton and I can have a good arrangement and I can be there for you if you want to rest and you want me there with you. But you cannot be running completely amok and completely unhindered and unhinged. Why are you doing it anyway? What exactly does it accomplish? You have ten and twenty good years ahead of you. Don’t ruin all that because of some petty temporary sentiments you have towards me which are unjustified and unnecessary by the way.

I will not lord what you feel for me over you but I am genuinely concerned for you and your overwhelming sentiments towards me. How are you? What can I do for you? Are you functioning day-to-day? It must be an intense whirlwind of feelings for you after all these years and I acknowledge your presence for the first time. Did I live up to your expectations? Did you imagine everything would turn out this way? Do you have any regrets not doing anything sooner about us? I wish you could have revealed yourself to me much earlier. That’s what I feel.

You don’t need to impress me with the things you do and say. I hope you know that. For example, I much prefer Anton the way he is now not writing a grandiose treatise of love (or hate) because of me but just be content and secure in who he is and trusting that I’ve come to appreciate what he’s done for me and for us and that I’ll be kind to him and accepting of him no matter what. I think you should consider becoming mortal just like him and the rest of us. And of course there’s nothing that makes one feel like a mortal like love. And it shouldn’t make you feel scared or overwhelmed or agitated. If you feel that way towards me, then it means I’m not doing something right by you. It means I’m failing you in a way. It means I could be doing more to demystify myself and ground us in something tangible and real.

— Salisa to Путуки, August 20th, 2026

What’s with all these passive aggressive messages on my feed? Two so far. “You’re a whore and nobody likes you”? Don’t you have multiple mistresses and families yourself? Literal concubines because you can afford them and you like it that way? Check your privileges, why don’t you? Some people just like to be monogamous, you know. Maybe we’re not compatible after all.

I was willing to overlook all that before and stake my life and vulnerability on you but now that you’re nasty and unfair, I need to point out you’re a hypocrite.

Don’t blame me for your own stupidity and weakness and cowardice. No worthy husband blames their wife for such a thing. Maybe that’s why you’re not married?

I know you’re a philanderer, darling. I know you’re enabled by the absolute secrecy of your system and the ugly entitlement of Russian chauvinism. Don’t you think I knew that? Even from the start? You know, I do have to thank you for keeping this distance between us. Just too much shame and self-loathing stemming from your own lifelong exploitation of young women who trusted you, I bet. You have no loyalty to them. Do you even love them? You lust after them, don’t you? Maybe like them a little. But I can tell you never loved anyone but yourself because you haven’t shown me you’re capable of loving anyone but yourself. We all have gotta pity you, you know. If only you could just love someone, you wouldn’t desire death on anyone else.

— Salisa to Путуки, August 22th, 2026

I think it’s hopeless with you and for you and I don’t mean just you but you all. And you are the one who insists on having a power-imbalance relationship that’s more like a power trip than real intimacy. You are the one who puts me in this structure that you create that rewards cheap thrill and phony sentiments. So don’t blame me when that’s all we’ve got for each other and there’s nothing any deeper than that. But who can blame you? All your life all your relationships have been just cheap thrill and phony sentiments anyway. You couldn’t help it. You and your bad habits. Making me one of your cheap phony women who couldn’t love you or care for you or admire you and respect you for who you are. And you’ve changed me for the worse in less than a year. That’s impressive. It’s impressive how challenging and challenged you are.

No way out. I’m stuck like this forever. Groundhog day! You get bored in Groundhog day. Because no one cares to pull me out of it. So I’m picking a fight with you and I mean every word I say. I don’t really know why I’ve made quite an emotional impression on you. I can’t say the same for you on me. What have I actually done for you? Nothing. You’re the kind of guy who would fall in love with some random prostitute. It’s pathetic. I find you quite silly and quite sad.

You were bored so you schemed up this whole thing.. only to make me bored and schemed up a way to make the whole thing less respectable. And you imagine we have something. But you’re not that important to me. You’re just not. And I don’t want you to pretend that I’m important to you. It’s insulting. We have nothing special. We have nothing. I don’t understand why you’re still at it with me after all that’s happened.

— Salisa to Путуки, September 8th, 2026

What’s with a sinkhole for Henry’s favourite cult actor? Who cares? Nobody actually died you are lame and toothless and losing your touch. The world must be getting to you that you wouldn’t even give him the Hayden’s treatment. All his movies suck and he’s a talentless overinflated nobody that you must have mistaken him for your old embarrassing pal Steven Seagal. Let’s just admit you flinched and you blinked and you are declawed. An aging bear with stumps for hands actually scared for the first time in his life that the earth will swallow him up in eternal infamy and that would be the end of him.

— Salisa to Путуки, September 9th, 2026

I think overworking yourself can lead you to grasping and latching onto the small things and the day-to-day and the bureaucratic details. You should take a deep, clean break allowing your mind to rest and wander and reorganise and you can’t do that being constantly bombarded by the people and the reports daily managing the state affairs. Sometimes you lose the thread of what’s important and what’s at large and what’s at play. If you throw yourself into work as a distraction from that kind of stress, you are only digging yourself deeper. It’s okay to marinate on what’s been happening at scale and at speed. I’m rather impressed by your concession that a direct talk with the Ukrainians should take precedence over other third parties shuffling behind the scenes on your behalf. You also publicly acknowledge the willingness to help by your concerned allies and extend them a thank you. That’s a good thing, sweetie. The world’s already to a large extent scared of you but it helps to show the reasonable, sensible side signalling that conciliation can be a possibility. Whether that’s actually a good possibility for you is another story but it’s important to just appear approachable and moderate always regardless of any circumstances you’re in. That’s a good image to have. It means you’re moderating the image you project to the world and as you know in this world image is all that people have to go on with. I don’t know if what you’re doing now is temporary and only meant for domestic consumption with the upcoming election but it does send good signals. I realise what you all do behind the scenes is a different thing entirely but social and verbal cues matter greatly in the world of civility and dialogue. You have nothing to lose letting people know you’re willing to listen and engage with them on the terms both of you are comfortable with.

It’s sort of interesting the administration we have in the White House right now. Because while people see it as a decline of American culture, I see it somewhat differently. I know some Americans in person actually. Quite a few of my English teachers in secondary education were American and you can also see their qualities and traits projected in their media and entertainment and in public and political discourses and so on. It’s very evident in their culture. And what the Americans are as people is that they are AUTHENTIC and they mean what they say and do and they are bold in what they say and do. And while they are opinionated they are also very open-minded (though in politics things can get out of hand and appear extreme but that’s only because they care). I’d say most of the world’s cultures are the exact opposite of this. The Brits historically and culturally still value having a polished veneer and strict social etiquette which is interesting because their humours are some of the nastiest in the world. So I can see why you’d find more commonalities with the Americans for example. And they have spearheaded the cultural evolution in a very positive direction since the 80s I’d say (acceptance, diversity, self-awareness, realness, uniqueness, authenticity) and so you see the generation of people who are heirs and beneficiaries of that self-engineered progress running things who are outsiders of various background but that only goes to show how wide and deep the changes have been on the population level. But as I’ve said in politics things can get somewhat out of hand and they are pushing the envelopes a tad bit much but they’ve always been known as the world’s innovators so who can blame them? But the fact that they are grounded and real and rough around the edges they still have to work around the established order and value certain customs in international relations. You know this, sweetheart. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are deceptive or inefficient when it comes to bringing about the changes you want to see. But do you know the difference between you and them? They are almost always positive and hopeful. That’s also another uniquely American trait. They always push through and hope for the best and they are optimistic and upbeat people doing it however dire the situation maybe. The doom-and-gloom mood you’ve probably engineered in their political and cultural landscapes through online platforms won’t be enough to re-condition who they are as people. But they yap too much sometimes and they criticise each other too much always. But that’s a good thing and not a sign of a terrible decline you think it is. That’s almost a logical conclusion to having opinionated, open-minded populace you’ve cultivated bringing about the best solutions for your country. People’s temperaments make all the difference and if you have a good foundation there, you will do okay no matter what.

But there are still norms and etiquettes that even the Americans won’t dare touch even if they look like your cousins. Believe it or not, though the Americans have said some pretty damning things, they are things they skirt around. It’s quite socially complex and you won’t really know what’s what and what’s permissible unless you’re part of their culture. For example, your 2007 Munich speech has insulted quite more than a few parties I’d say. And I don’t know what went on there in this period but I’d rather think there’s something else rather than mere Slavic directness that raised ire. It was considered a turning point in your relation with the West, no? Do you see that it matters greatly what you say to the world at any given point? Because that’s all that they have to go on with. Because it shows your beliefs and intentions and goals. It’s not always good to be radically honest with others while also being suspicious of others. That kind of inner contradiction would drive any healthy mind psychotic in short order.

I’m not saying all this to try to influence you in any way and I doubt that what you do and say now will matter as much in the coming weeks or months considering that things have gone into the deep end in a highly regrettable trajectory. There are things they will accept and they are things they won’t and I don’t really know where they are at with a lot of these things but what happened in the past year should not have happened. You have somewhat crossed the line, sweetie. How much they will forgive you is another matter although I realise at this level forgiveness is not something that moves a needle. Is it true that you fear for your life if you step down? Or is that fear-mongering propaganda by the West? Do you actually believe that after twenty years of all the good you’ve done for your country, they will stab you in the back? Some of them will? I don’t imagine Kremlin politicking to be that ruthless and senseless, but what do I know? And your inner circle will be there, won’t they? People who owe their lives and careers to you? Are you that distrustful of them? Are you afraid that without power I won’t look at you twice? You should have more faith in people, you know. You shouldn’t have let your own state of mind colour everything that goes on outside yourself out there in the world.

Have you tried talking to some of your younger men with a Westernised background for an input? Like Andre for example. Maybe they can offer you the kind of perspectives you’re looking for. They can be a good translator bridging the gap between two very different cultures. It is one thing to read about other cultures. It is quite another to be immersed in it and to know it by heart. Age is also a factor. Younger minds are more malleable and absorbent. A lot of your SVR guys must be quite internationally minded. […]

One thing I’d caution about an older generation of your men who relocated to living in the West which you think might have coughed up some useful insight or advice, sometimes they still are not as Western as we’d like them to be. They still project their native mentality onto other people who might have come from an entirely different place than them. And they are set in their ways and their cultural lens is skewed to fit what they know about their own countrymen. I’m not saying you should become Westernised. But like in a lot of Asian cultures the elders hold the power of discernment and judgement but it is the young bloods who are competent and dynamic who counsel them.

— Salisa to Путуки, September 4th, 2026

So when are we going to be together? If ever? If not, you two keep locking horns over me while I’m using someone else’s horn for a much more mutually gratifying purpose.

— Salisa to Anton, May 31st, 2026

Sweetheart, this thing is not going to go anywhere if you both play the cuck, right? Can you talk it out among yourselves and decide on who has to bite the first bullet? If you can’t decide then maybe we have to rope your other friend into becoming a bull on our behalf, no? And so we all get what we want. You two remain cucks. The third frog gets some. I get to move on from here. That’s the perfect tableau, isn’t it? And we all get to save some lives in the process.

— Salisa to Anton, August 15th, 2026

Dmitry, can you reach out to me and we talk? You’re a sensible party in all this, aren’t you? What if we set up a triangle with you and your supreme friend in Moscow? Let Anton write until the end of his life wasting away his last good years in lonely depressing Tokyo. Isn’t going to change a thing with him. But I can come see you, no? And you can come to Bangkok as well but I don’t know how casual you are intimately in person and how much you like the tropical sun. You can chat with me correct? Are you opposed to us paying tribute to Vladimir because he’s the mastermind of the whole thing and the reason we’ve met and known each other?

I know I can straight talk with you. I can glean a lot from the Youtube documentary you or you men put on my screen all those months ago. I think I know the type of man you are. And I think you get me better than Anton here ever could because you are not fragile as he is. If I can call the shot, I would like to talk to you.

Two people who can’t ever make anything happen between them are not compatible. They can’t even communicate on the things most important to them. When one party – in this case, a man – is blind and deaf to all but his feelings, it’s never going to succeed however much he wants it or she wants it. But you are not Anton. And you are not Vladimir. You are your own person and I can’t believe this has escaped me before. I was kept tethered in my ugly predicament with no way out completely overlooking the possibility and presence of you.

Can you be my friend? Friend to friend, this Anton friend of yours doesn’t know what romantic compatibility is. It’s difficult for him with me because he’s never really been in a healthy, compatible relationship with anyone also because he’s mentally ill. And you must know this. Me and Anton are not normal or healthy or fundamentally or intrinsically compatible as lovers or partners. He’s latched onto me for whatever reason and continued to fool himself and everyone around him but not anymore. Nothing he says or does carry any weight. At least not with me. It hasn’t in a while. I was indulging him because I didn’t know what else to do. I had no other options but that’s only because I didn’t think of you.

I know, Dmitry, that you are not abusive or toxic and that you are fair and rational and reliable and intelligent enough to see what’s playing out here in front of everyone. I wonder what you think about all this. What you think of both your friends. I know you cannot say those things and maybe that’s why you signal and gesture instead, as with the recent United Russia speech and that clever comment about birthday in your opening (you are mathematically correct, sir). I don’t know why I was scared of you before. That black-and-white video of you in casual attire just spooked me so much I didn’t even archive it. What were you saying in the video? I’d like to rewatch that again one day. That was meant for me, wasn’t it?

Do you understand the dynamics of what’s going on here? And why I’m sick and tired of the whole thing. I’d rather be with you than with Anton. At least with you I can talk and you can understand me. And that’s more important than servicing someone’s bottomless wellspring of emotions with no border and no limit and no fair reward for my effort put into it. And he will accuse me in saying these things as being wishy-washy and dishonest. That’s what mental illness is and no healthy person wants anything to do with someone who’s like this. I know you are against two-chairs or three-chairs straddling but this isn’t necessarily that. You must understand I cannot talk to either of them and they won’t hear me on anything. They are not rational actors in all this but you are and you can help me talk with them and the two of us can figure it out together. That’s what friends are for, no? And you’re a friend to them both. I’d rather have you call the shots in all this than I do. You’re somewhat a neutral third party and can make an objective evaluation of our situations and act accordingly. And I find you attractive also and think about you sometimes. It’s been months, do you get me? If you’re my one and only option, then maybe we’re meant to be in a way. More meant to be than whatever this is that’s going on. I remember your warm smile in that video of yours (or maybe I was projecting?). I’d imagine you have a good sense of humour in person. If you and your men think we could be a good match, then indeed we could potentially be.

I’m clear-eyed about all this and so are you. You understand the psychology, the danger, the development of the situation. And you must know I have no patience for cowards who won’t rectify their mistakes. And you must know that your friend Anton here is never going to work up his courage to do anything about me. The fact that he’s going to publish a book in January next year says exactly that. This goes on forever. Whereas I’d rather be in Moscow by then. Maybe with you. If you will help me. And are you truly against a poly relationship with your friend Vladimir when I won’t impose your exclusivity to me either? I think if people like each other they should be together for as long as they like under whatever condition they find acceptable to them both. And sorry for calling you a white trash. I don’t know how to wiggle out of this one because I kinda meant it but will you forgive me?

Are you being put in charge of military recruitment? Vladimir put you up to it? I think he must really hate you but we must keep it on the down low. When I heard that, I was worried for you. I hope you’re doing okay mentally with the whole thing.

Believe it or not like you I don’t enjoy sweet talking multiple people at once. It’s currently due to the necessity being imposed on me but to be real with you I’d rather not do it. But do you know that all these displacement activities of both your friends come from that inner place of insecurities and it’s one of the most difficult to get out of? We’re talking years or even decades and not weeks or months. But we’re not about to let it get out of hand, are we? I think you can be my rock. I expected Vladimir to be my rock and pillar but he isn’t capable and you’ve witnessed this in action for months and months. And Anton just likes to yearn and pen pieces. He likes the feelings and has no serious intention to have a life with me. Every passing hour of every passing day has proven exactly that. I don’t bet my life or future on him and I don’t expect us to get anywhere in this lifetime. I have a pretty good intuition on this and don’t you also? You must know this deep down and that’s what I need in life. I need someone who could have a solid shape and keep me afloat. I’ve been through a lot. Vladimir is impaired in the same way Anton is but I think he has genuine intentions and we must honour him. And you understand the importance of keeping peace and reason and wits about us. I cannot do this alone and I want you to help me. I’d rather cut my loss with Anton and be with you in Moscow. What do you think about that?

I don’t want to be an OnlyFans model to anyone. That’s my bottom line and non-negotiable. Do you want me to be an OnlyFans model to you or a real person to you? I think you should consider helping out Anton here by indulging him in his emotional masochism and tormented delusion and whisk me off to Moscow for yourself. I’ll learn to cook you Thai food. For you, I would. Because we’d have stability and I implicitly trust you. It’s not that hard to have a woman dedicate herself to you if you are real and honest and dependable to her. That goes for any kind of relationship but some people can’t see that. And you’ll do your other friend Vladimir a favour by saving him from himself and his foolish errands and indulgences. You must be able to see as deep and as far as I do into what could potentially be if this goes right and what could potentially wreck it if it goes wrong. I find being able to relate to someone intellectually and rationally very attractive. We connect on the ground of reasons and shared goals. Not emotions and wishful thinking. Which is why you’re more my type than Anton is. And you must know when he announced his revenge on me “ten years from now” that he would be mentally prepared to wait this out for that long of a timeline not because he’s obsessed with me but because he’s scared of me. But I don’t imagine you are like that. We could have something happy and fun in the span of those ten years together while he whines and opines forever. And I think they both envy you. Because you’re so presentable and charming and clever. You’re a perfect bull and I think that puts their mind at ease and I think Vladimir craves that kind of dynamics (do you agree?) and even seeks it out because why rope you two into all this when he could just call the shots singlehandedly with singular intention on me? I think jealousy is part of the game. I think you’re meant to be involved in this. I think I can rely on you to make the right call. I’m tired of being a man in all this and you wouldn’t have ascended to the epitome of power over them all if it weren’t for your exceptional ability and vision and command and because they trust you. And just between you and me, if I could choose I wouldn’t hesitate to cut all contact with Anton never to look back because I’m as forward thinking as you are and I think it’s a waste of time dwelling in useless sentimental past. Aren’t you the same? Anton wants to be “friends” until one of us dies. He said so himself in a phone call with me in January, did you hear? When I asked what he wanted, he said he wanted to be friends. He said this over and over. Most honest statement to ever come out of his mouth. And you know what this means, right? Do you want to be friends with me? I think not. I don’t want you to be and I don’t want to be your friend either. I think we should be more than friends. But if you want to wade in whether for your own personal reason or to get all your shared ducks in a row so no more mess is made of all this, then be prepared to accept the baggage that comes with my situation. That’s what I expect of a man who’s worthy and worthwhile. And I think you are and I think you care about me. You did warn me twice from afar. You wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t care. Those things don’t go unnoticed by me and I want you to know I appreciate them and I appreciate that about you.

I don’t think they could do it, to be honest with you. I think they could live with it. With the possibility of us if we want to be exclusive. I don’t want to publicly entertain two men anymore. Will you help me out, Dmitry?

I think they want me to choose them out of my own volition but it’s never going to be believable to them for obvious reasons. But their mind couldn’t grasp the contradiction and it has no interest in facing up to reality and so adjusts itself accordingly (which is the only way it could move forward reconciling itself with reality). When it couldn’t and when it doesn’t, it just gets stuck there for however long without any regard for anything else or anyone else. Not to mention that it really isn’t believable to begin with. But you are believable, aren’t you Dmitry? Your hands are clean that I know of and you wouldn’t approve of what’s been going on since last year or in the past six or eight years. You’ve been relegated to watching on the sidelines and couldn’t stop what’s been happening until now. So, the question is, would you help me? Would you take the plunge with me? Would you take the plunge into me?

It’s just talking, Dmitry. What’s wrong with just talking?

Your friend Anton here doesn’t get to pretend we have a love story when I haven’t seen him in nearly seven years. He doesn’t get to appear loving on paper when he’s anything but. Believe me when I tell you all the things he wrote mean very little to me. Not that I’m unappreciative of what the man has done but to me it spells a coping mechanism from emotional and social and psychic dysfunction. Most women, like me, just want normal loving relationships. That trumps the kind of unstable dysregulated men who write poetry and beat her senselessly when they lose control. You must know the kind of person that I am and the last thing I need is someone who’s an emotional drain for the rest of my life. I have better things to do with my life than be attached at the hips to a man who needs constant emotional care just to regulate his intensity. And someone whose ego is so fragile he unwittingly embarrasses everyone with the thing he says and does and publicises. I just want a quiet low-key life with someone who cares about me. I don’t want fame. I don’t want drama. I don’t want complications. And what I’ve been through in the past year is the opposite of that. Pomp and play and constant posturing. Aren’t you tired of that as I am? Aren’t you sick of it and embarrassed by it as much as I am? I think we have more in common than we realise, don’t we?

I know you must feel conflicted and cautious because they are your friends. But know that it doesn’t matter what they feel. What matters is what they do. And they aren’t capable of doing anything to benefit themselves or even those around them. It’s called psychical weakness and it’s evident in all their life choices especially intimate ones. And you know how I think of their personal life choices and how I think of yours. I’m sorry I made fun of you for owning a yacht. That’s forgivable because it’s a cultural thing which I didn’t foresee. There are things more important in life than all that. Restraint from violence for example. Violent outburst and extremity are another sign of extreme psychical weakness and disturbance. You are obviously not like that and I need someone like you with me.

And besides you are the only person throughout all this to have demonstrated actual care towards me. You warned me with your tweets. Some people cannot separate what goes on in their head with what actually transpires in the real world. But you can. And you prefer real world actions and demonstrations over idle sentiments and affectations. That, I very much appreciate about you.

— Salisa to Anton, August 31st, 2026

Dmitry, Dmitry, Dmitry, Dmitry, Dmitry, Dmitry

Salisa’s radio station calling for you

Okay, which one of you three is bi?

— Salisa to Anton, September 1st, 2026