Do they know that you don’t care about them? That you couldn’t give less fuck about what happens to them or their loved ones or their country they have been working so hard to protect? That you couldn’t give less fuck about me either? That you couldn’t work up the courage to fuck me even? Do they know all this about you? Is there a rumour swirling around in that circle to elucidate the cause and aim of that terror attack they have been a victim of? To make clear why that was and why it had to be? Why their families were targeted? Why it was personal and bloody and shocking and tragic? Do they know that it was a completely justified retaliation against you for what you’ve chosen to do to me or don’t do to me for the last twelve months or so?
Maybe I was wrong thinking you’ve been given infinite chances to redeem yourself. Do you think your friends are going to get rid of you for real this time? Was I fawning to the wrong person today? Maybe it wasn’t going to happen after all, you know. You and me. Maybe it has been wishful thinking on both our parts that couldn’t be materialised for a reason not clear to anyone.
But I doubt it. I think those who went to the birthday banquet were a few ranks below you and so nothing’s going to change with us. And instead of admitting to some form of oversight or responsibility and doing something to fix the situation, your friends are going to have a violent spasm in retaliation because that’s the Russian way. It isn’t to make the suffering go away for themselves and make the situation better next time. It is to make it worse and worse for everyone else also. It’s been like this forever. I’ve completely mastered Russian psychology.
— Salisa to Anton, August 2nd, 2026
I can tell you after Lindsey’s funeral my soul left my body. It is one thing to be raving into the void and spinning yarn in my own head […]. It is another to have my suspicion confirmed and corroborated beyond doubt. By the United States government. How do you think that makes me feel? I can tell you I feel saner knowing I may have been insane. Because the actual truth is a hundred times more painful.
Look, if you’re worried about me compromising you I can tell you right now we don’t have to talk about your work. […] Pretty sure I’m worth more to them than what I can get you to spill anyway. Besides I don’t like lying and I don’t like being two-faced. Which is why I’m livid at you writing one thing and saying another. That’s lying. That’s dishonesty. Call it a game or a tactic it doesn’t make any difference. You’re still being dishonest and disrespectful to me. I won’t lie to you (and I get punished by you ALL the time for being authentic with what I say and feel which displeases you and you find that problematic as opposed to symptomatic – something to make go away and something to react to as opposed to something that has gone wrong somewhere which you’re supposed to be curious about and then fix so it won’t happen again which is what grown men do elsewhere in the world but completely eludes you and your bumfuck culture) but you still lie to me. I know in your culture people say things they don’t mean ALL the time for whatever reason. You have to be careful with what you say. You can never be honest with what you say. All social relationships are hierarchical and exploitable. Family members rat out to the secret police and lovers play each other. This is the NORM for you Russians. It is NOT the norm ELSEWHERE in the world. Elsewhere in the world you would be referred to a clinician for your extreme maladjustment. Which is why I say to you: you can never get me. You can’t. You just can’t. Your culture makes you weak and brittle and unprincipled and mean-spirited. You don’t realise you’re being these things but that’s how other people not from your culture see you. Compulsive liar. Duplicitous. Antisocial. Narcissistic. Shallow. Empty. Selfish. You embody these traits and your worldviews are thoroughly tainted by your fellow Russians and what you all do to one another. Why do you think Russian people look so miserable compared to the rest of the more developed world? Have you ever been curious about this? Your faces don’t show any emotions. Easily angered. Easily triggered. Socially retarded. Deeply disconnected from one another and from your environments wherever you are. Generally an unhappy disposition and incurious and distrustful and judgemental and narrow-minded. You’re Russian to a T. And you don’t care about anyone else but yourself and have very little insight to better yourself and everyone around you. The most Russian trait of all.
It is not a problem for me as long as you are honest with me about what you want and you don’t intentionally lie and you don’t raise your voice in my presence. I can handle the rest. You have to always talk. Use your words before emotionally reacting to things. Describe your emotions in simple terms. Just say, “I’m upset. I don’t want to talk now. Let’s talk later.” It is important to say “Let’s talk later” to indicate you want to still repair things. Don’t say “I have no plan to..” and leave it at that. There’s nothing wrong with just saying that if you want to be devoid of any emotional content while also signalling social disinterest. People say things not to be merely descriptive but to also convey intents and wishes and desires. Do you see how much I’m pouring into you on how to make social conversations 101? But then you don’t like me. Every time I move closer to you, you push me away while also killing people and isolating me and bankrupting me. And so it seems apt that instead of seeing sparks fly we see detached limbs fly especially of the daughters and the wives of some of your powerful friends. But maybe it was an inside job and an internal strife. Who could know for sure? You don’t yourself, do you? Your friend(s) would lie to you, wouldn’t they? To deceive you and manipulate you? To make you fearful? To keep you in line? Do you see what that does to your mind and your person over time? To live in a world full of doubts and deceits? For the record, I would trust your friend and what he says to me in private. Because you should be able to compartmentalise your professional life from your private life and I trust that in a genuine relationship where vulnerabilities and emotions take centre stage you should be honest with one another without judgement and without fear because respect and honesty and acceptance make a relationship. That’s literally all that there is to a relationship.
— Salisa to Anton, August 2nd, 2026
A nation which breeds weak pathetic men with no spine and no courage and no honour and no respect for truth is a nation that will self-destruct on its own although we’re willing to give you a helping hand of course. Last dying spasms of a declining empire on its deathbed. Is that why there are signals going off everywhere worldwide and you’re wrecking senseless havoc almost indiscriminately? Do you think that will ennoble you? What you’re doing? Do you think that’s your empire on the way up or on the way down? Do you think the West has anything to lose either way? On the one hand, they back down and you’re back to preserving the rotten ignominious misery that even wealth and power couldn’t erase because the racial condition is so ingrained in your nationhood and so much worse than death itself. On the other hand, they keep going and you start to fracture at the seams and in that process the rotten ignominious misery increases tenfold in intensity and scale and who knows what’s going to happen afterwards. If I don’t have any way out, then neither do you.
You know, in a way you don’t get it either. You think I should fall at your feet no matter what because love triumphs all. You think my mental resistance is a sign of my rejection of you. That’s because Russians are uniquely and thoroughly self-obsessed people. They cannot see beyond themselves and their immediate selfish needs. Hell, if families can do that to one another – Andre to his wife and his wife to Andre, mothers to their sons sending them off to die in a war they don’t care for, wives to their husbands for the death benefits and girlfriends to their boyfriends for the fake-ass glory, you who claim to love me but rape me and abuse me so casually – then what’s the point of me trying to whip up your nobler sentiments and your love towards your countrymen and your love for your nation and your love for peace and your love for humanity? Which was why I told your friend that his stock was psychopathic. It is not in any way normal or human or healthy to be behaving and thinking in this way. You take my moral disgust towards your mass murdering habits as a sign of my rejection of you. You take my normal human responses to abuse and coercion as a sign of my rejection of you. You take my unenthusiasm and reluctance as a sign of my rejection of you. Because in your cultural understandings, as long as I BENEFIT from the money you steal and the post you kill from, there is no reason for a girl to want to reject you unless she doesn’t like you. That’s the logic. It’s the logic of pure naked venal self-interest and deep rotting moral corruption.
Do you know what the tipping point was for me? When I began to see it for the first time how rotten and irredeemable you all are at core? When your other friend [..] tweeted something about Armenia straddling two chairs – one of the EU and one of your country – and how she will fall embarrassingly flat on her ass. Do you know that he tweeted that the day after I suggested a polyamourous relationship between you and your friend? He missed the fact that it was his men who seeded my head with “polyandry” and so groomed me for such an idea to begin with, months and months prior. He missed the fact that I only suggested “straddling” two men because one had just […] when I talked to another who had been threatening to kill my ex if I ignored him and who had previously […] in the United States precisely because I ignored him. Your friend […] thought I “desired” such an idea of entertaining the two men because that’s the reason a Russian person would do anything. They would only do things which they desire which only they themselves benefit. There’s nothing more to it than that. There’s no wider considerations at play. Nothing about people. Nothing about peace. Nothing about ethics. Nothing about sacrifice. Nothing about how an extremely coercive situation invalidates any consent given and how I cannot be said to “want” or “desire” any of these things. This came on the heels of your supreme friend retaliating against me for trying to save the life of the man whom I loved who assumed I was betraying him or playing him. This came after you assuming that I wanted to see you in person so I could use sex to influence you even though I was doing it to try to save everyone, your people included. It is this narrow field of vision and interest – of people doing things that please them, that benefit them, that exploit others – that defines Russian psychology. You people are not able to understand human behaviours in all its depth and complexity, because Russian people do not possess such depth and complexity in themselves. Their behaviours are primitive. Their thinking corresponds to their behaviours. And this realisation was somehow a life raft. Because I couldn’t understand what was going on at the time. What was being thought and felt and carried out and why. It made no sense to me whatsoever. Until it occurred to me that I was dealing with a group of people who were so foreign to us and so beneath us and so unlike us. A group of people without any of the moral or psychological or intellectual layers I’ve been so used to. And that’s when everything sort of shifted. With that kind of deep astounding limitation of human understanding and human psychology, the wiggle room is extremely small. Because their understanding and their psychology are small.
— Salisa to Anton, August 3rd, 2026
Salisa lohavittayavikant 