Salisa lohavittayavikant

If it becomes a problem, we’ll just call it quits, won’t we? Why do I have to spend my glorious days putting up with the dysfunctional Russian culture and its people? I didn’t realise coming into this that the cultural differences would be night and day. And the mood and vibe are centred around such negativity and catastrophe and extremity too. No nuances. No room for doubt. No generosity. You know, maybe it’s a good thing that Westerners are neurotic. It means there is as much input coming from the self as expectation and imposition from the outside. The conflict between the ego and the superego generates uncertainty and neuroticism. It’s better than the Russian psychoticism that is all ego and extremity and judgement with no intermediate steps or considerations.

There are many ways to think and feel and look at things. The diversity and enrichment of human thoughts and experiences and possibilities make the West what it is. It affects the human temperament as much as its intellectual activity. Whereas what I feel with you guys is a closed ecosystem of one-dimensional thinking that gives off the veneer of certitude and resolution but is particularly fragile and vulnerable to stress and criticism. And the one dimension is often me, me, me with no input or consideration from the opposing or adjacent sides and no integration or compromise between them. It is one thing to start off with divergent positions all converging to a single decided end. It is another to have a conclusive decision or end that seems biased and pre-determined right from the beginning.

When you repress so much of what you feel in the name of raw strength or toughness instead of learning to assimilate your feelings with your thoughts and conducts (feelings inform and shape thoughts within oneself and conduct with others) this is what we get. You feel the need to “blow off steam”. You beat your wife or take it out on the world. You are speechless and dumb and mute. Don’t know how to talk to me. Don’t know how to convey feelings. Don’t know how to influence a situation through civilised means. Don’t know or care to ask questions or think of me. Just a ball of fury barrelling down on everyone. This is why they call you the “savages”. It’s not an unfair stereotype.

Like, just talk to me, dude. Tell me that you’re upset. I have ears that are sympathetic. I am not the stupid Russian cow earless without sympathy. That’s why you are so obsessed with the yin-yang distinction. Such an antiquated platitude in the West as well as elsewhere but I didn’t realise that the feminine principle doesn’t quite exist in your culture. Would it hurt for the Russian women to smile or show facial expression that isn’t entitlement and stoicism and disdain? Would it hurt for them to show human emotions and compassion and understanding and leniency and empathy? Russian women are literally men in female garbs. There is nothing genuinely “feminine” (feelings, passion, moral decency, receptivity) in them.

— Salisa to Anton, June 9th, 2026

I don’t find anything wrong with you and the way you are to be honest. But you could benefit a little bit having a more laid-back, open-minded and open-ended approach to life. I think you need to construct and defend arguments and ideas in your head because the fluidity and diversity and unpredictability of real-life people and real-world society become too much for you to handle intellectually and emotionally. That tends to happen if you grew up in an authoritarian climate. There’s always a singular, centralised point of focus or benefit or solution and we have to find one or defend one as better and more optimal than another and any deviation from that singular point is threatening the entire structure in which all things exist. That can make you quite rigid and unadaptive and fixed in your ways. Isn’t Satoshi supposed to be a libertarian? Only when it comes to system but not to people? You’re scared of me having choices and options the way your friend is scared of his people having choices and options. No offense, but that’s just nuts. As in, a clinically insane way to think and to live and to love.

Essentially it all comes down to control. You don’t bond with people in a low-trust society, you control them. I said so, didn’t I? That I find your people and your culture incurable? Things like this are so ingrained it is hard to dismantle them without dismantling the entire person. It is also why we’re here today. You’re always distrustful of me. You think I was going to use sex to exploit you. You think I’m one of the Russians. Even money and actual physical captivity doesn’t calm your nerves, I bet you still think “she has too much freedom and too much power over me”. That’s nuts also. You are a seriously severely pathological group of people, you know that? You also devote too much of your intellectual energy on things that people with equal brainpower elsewhere avoid dealing with because they consider it thoroughly a waste of time. Especially when it comes to society and culture and people. You misapply your talents to repress and control your fears. A Western counterpart of you would be exploring other topics of choice because they live in an actual meritocracy where different novel ideas are actually appreciated and valued (so they learn more to contribute more) and because their society values intellect and dissent and improvement and because the women elsewhere are equal if not challenging peers to the men whereas life partners in your country have peanuts for brains so what’s the point of exploring and sharing your intellectual passion when they only care about your fat pockets and life necessity or mundanity. And you think your society represents the whole world while also thinking that the whole free world is rotten and inhospitable to life.

— Salisa to Anton, August 8th, 2026

Do you know what destabilisation is? Do you know what I should be feeling but don’t? Do you know what I shouldn’t be feeling but do? You didn’t even know all those months ago I was frightened of you to death. Why would you know anything? Why would a Russian know how someone else thinks or feels? It’s intellectual retardation, you know. I don’t think you have a spiky cognitive profile. I think you’re a Russian. […]

I never expected you to love me and by that I mean care about me. You keep mistaking your feelings for me as something that deserves notice and acknowledgement. That’s only if you’re a teenager. In adulthood, it is what you do and the responsibility you take and the care you demonstrate for others. But Russians lack all this together. That’s why we’re struggling. It’s difficult for you. It’s difficult for me too to want to stake my life on a fifteen year old teen who has a hold on my life. You don’t understand the fear and the indignation and the outrage I feel of my situation. Because people don’t feel such things in your country. Because they are used to it and it’s expected of them because it’s just the way it is. But with me I’m struggling too. To accept all this with placidity within myself and with compassion for you. I have to suppress all the negatives within myself and work up positive feelings for you. But you don’t see it. You don’t appreciate it. You don’t care about it.

I hardly think a Russian is able to deal with normal strife in a normal relationship in normal circumstances. And then we have a deep strife in an abnormal relationship in extraordinary circumstances. You have no emotional or intellectual capacity to deal with normal relationships to begin with and this is anything but. But I tried, didn’t I? And one could even say I succeeded in turning an involuntary relationship in unordinary circumstances into what looks like a consenting relationship in everyday circumstances. Will you appreciate that about me? Will you take into consideration what I’ve done and forgive me for the small jibes I delivered you today?

I’m confused as to what you’re bringing to this relationship. I brought emotional and intellectual abilities to stabilise and minimise a hostage situation with terrorist aspects. What do you bring? So far, nothing. Are you ashamed of yourself? No physical safety, no emotional support, no financial ability. And I’ll have to get on my knees and thank you for your presence in my life? Over a bunch of words on twitter? I can’t even get you to commit to me. You’re doing all this for a situationship. What you think up in your head is just that: the thing in your head. What you actually demonstrate in the real world is another. You’re no different from your friend. The only one who hasn’t disappointed me is your other friend.

Do these words help bring down your anger? I bet that Russian heads can’t think of anything so intelligent and so detailed and that’s why you’re angry most of the time. It’s a brain issue. If you can think well, you will feel less. You will feel more neutral than negative. It’s the ability to understand and assess the situation fairly and deeply and comprehensively. Nothing is ever simplistic or obvious or facile. You have to have a rich representation of people and the world.

Can you just give me the benefits of the doubt? We won’t have these fights in real life because we’ll just be talking to each other. But because I can’t talk to you because you won’t talk to me I berate you all the time. And you’re giving me false hope all the time. Twice this year. And with everything I’ve been through, you have to be callous and uncaring with me with the decision you made that hurt me and hurt us. You wanted me to hit you, didn’t you? After you chickened out last time and betrayed me? Well, now I am doing it. Verbally. So just take it like a man and choose to be with me anyway. Can you do that for me? […]

No one wants to be berated and henpecked like this forever. But then I wouldn’t have berated or henpecked you if you could just man up for once. Be a man and I won’t make you feel like a woman. Be a woman and I won’t make you feel like a man.

That’s why you’re hurt. Because I say some pretty hurtful things about you and make you feel less. Why did I say those things? Because I’m a mean person? I said mean things because I’m angry about something. What am I angry about? That’s what you should have said! Next time, say this. While I’m on a rant berating and belittling you, say “what are you angry about?” or you can just call me to check up on me. That’s what I expect a man to do. Has no woman ever taught you this? What kind of woman have you been with, dude, and is their IQ ever above 80 because it seems like they don’t understand anything and so you don’t understand anything either about anything that has to do with building a relationship with someone? How can you be this old and just be absolutely clueless about how to make a relationship work?

There are reasons I like older men, right. They’ve done this before. But it looks like you haven’t. Why’s that? What’s with this peculiarity? All you do is have a kneejerk emotional reaction and bitch and bitch and moan and groan. Given your age, we all find this embarrassing. You haven’t done that in awhile so we’re proud of you. But then you don’t understand anything about how to handle conflicts and stress and how to keep the relationship from breaking apart from one-person stupidity or two-person stupidity. And this isn’t a consensual relationship in everyday life. You don’t get this as well. You act like it is from your perspective because you’re Russian but it isn’t. This is NOT consensual. I’m NOT a WILLING participant in this with you. I’m an UNWILLING victim of COERCION and TERRORISM and ABUSE. I’m non-Russian so I can see things that you can’t. But you’re going to hold me to the standard of what a normal relationship should be like. And you’re going to punish me for acting in a way that isn’t in line with a consensual romantic relationship. That’s just STUPID. I tell you it’s a brain issue. That’s why Russians are the way they are. It’s just intellectual retardation, you know. They can’t really think much of anything and everything and everyone is so difficult all the time. But that’s because they lack understanding and they lack perspective and they live within their own selfish delusion.

It is your responsibility and your turn to convert whatever this is to a fully happy consensual relationship. That’s what you should be working towards. Not a virtual hostage situation. Anything that contributes to keeping this virtual and a hostage situation as well as an exploitation is a strike against you. It works against you and the good name of your country if there is such a thing. Anything that makes it happy and consensual and a relationship as opposed to an unhappy unstable situationship will work in your favour. I hope we’re aligned. I don’t understand why we’re fighting at all, Sergei. We have the same goal. We’re completely aligned on this. I want to see this work out between us as much as you do because I feel like I’d regret it if I didn’t give us a try. I’ll always wonder whether I have missed out on something amazing. Because you sound like an amazing person beneath all this and so I have to see it through with you, you know. Whether or not we’re going to work out, I guess we’ll see and nothing is ever set in stone. If it’s meant to be and I pity you enough and the depth and happiness of feelings exceed the constant troubles then I’ll stay to make it work. You’re stuck in a disaster and defeatist mode of thinking as befitting of that of a Russian. It’s unworthy of you. I don’t understand why you just don’t believe in the process or the people. Why you’re so cynical and frightened and unsure. The world is a wonderful place and the people as I know them are good and worthy and kind. I know that’s not the world as you know it or the people as you know them. But I’m not a part of your world and you shouldn’t mistake me for one of the people you have previously known. And all this negative attitude is just not doing anyone any good. It might be true to life and practical and learned but that’s not a good enough reason to hold onto it. Concentration camp survivors are smarter than you in that regard and more inspiring and hopeful. And they never gave up, did they? And you didn’t experience a fraction of what happened to them and you’re already this negative and self-defeating and fearful and cynical. It’s not a good look. […]

I know Russians have trouble reasoning and understanding anything in depth that isn’t so concrete and obvious. So I will try to be more patient and you should try asking questions. Why do you say that? Why do you think that? Why do you suggest that? Is that necessary? What has changed in this period? What is different this time? Be curious about what I think and what I say and what I suggest because my thoughts are not random and because I think before I say and I think before I act and I’m not a low IQ stupid chick you’re so used to, okay? And I’ll tell you this. What your friend has done for me all these eight years is pretty much balanced out by what he hasn’t done for me all these eight months. Do you think that’s fair? And it’s not what he hasn’t done for me but also what he has done to other people which I do not approve of which I find in complete disgust and disdain. I’m backtracking a little bit but as a Russian you probably think: she’s been deceiving me all along. But that’s only because you’re a Russian and Russians are not capable of understanding that people can change their mind because of the thing you yourselves do to others which they take issue with and so they revert their earlier stance. Russians are not capable of understanding that people can change their opinions and their decisions and their minds because you’ve done them wrong or proven yourselves unworthy and distrustful. You probably expect people to stay the same persons regardless of what happened to them because Russian people are miserable fucks who will take in anything and will complain about nothing and will not dare to think of changing anything and they have no reflection on anything so they never get better or improve as individuals nor do they care that much about anything that happens to them for that matter. Happiness or misery the same to them and people don’t reform and people don’t repent and people don’t redeem. So people don’t ever change and so if they say something in the past and they say something in the present that do not match then you accuse them of lying. You don’t bother to think that something must have happened between then and now that is undesirable and why that is the case and whether it’s the situation outside their control or within their control or whether it’s something within themselves such as emotions or compulsions or habits or trauma or anything else to their persons that would explain such a discrepancy which you can then start to attribute faults. You just throw your hands up and accuse people of dishonesty but that’s only because your thoughts are limited. You don’t bother analysing people or the situations fairly. You’re not curious as to why. You’re just a lazy thinker who throws around accusations because that’s better than having to think for themselves about anything that goes on around them including within their person which is kind of an important thing because I care about you for example and I want to know more about you and what you think and feel and experience because that makes you you whether you realise it or not. […]

[…] If you don’t talk and you don’t think and you don’t ask questions and just accept everything as is and so get angry and exasperated with the other person then you remain emotionally short-circuited and intellectually undeveloped. Like you, right now. All you have to say is a simple “no”. Are all Russians dumb like this? They don’t engage intellectually or emotionally with anything. They don’t engage intellectually or emotionally with anyone. Everything is one word or one sentence or one mood or one conclusion. Everything’s one-liner. Everything’s accusation. Everything’s punishment. Use words, darlings. Use a lot of words and the smarter you are the more useful and helpful you make your words. You use words to diagnose issues, to express your feelings, to convey your thoughts, to influence another person. Brutes are wordless and speechless. They make noises and vocables like “no”. That’s not even a sentence. It’s like you don’t understand how to wield human language to the end it’s meant to be used for.

If me being angry at you puts your whole world to a stop because it hurts you, then you gotta stop letting yourself be hurt and harden up because you run away from conflicts and you refuse to communicate with me and that’s not helping me or you. I am allowed to dump my emotions on you because of what you’re doing to me. Because I’m your VICTIM. I’m not your soulmate. I’m not your crush. I’m not your idol. Do you get this? You’re my perp. You’re my peep. You’re not my person. Not yet. Be curious enough and honest enough and effortful enough to try to make you my person. But don’t get butthurt over me saying all this because you expect me to say I love you and you’re my everything and my one and only and all that bullshit. That’s not fair to me. We could get there at some point some time in the future but it’s not happening right now because of our distance and you haven’t really proven yourself worthy or dependable which is what I say I need.

It’s interesting also that it never occurs to you to craft an environment for us that rewards positivity and positive intentions. That’s literally what people elsewhere understand love and romance to be and actually experience them to be. For you and for Russians it’s just chaos and egoism and transitory feelings and antagonism. If you’re in charge, police the goddamn space. Be responsible for the experience especially since you want the experience to be meaningful and rewarding and fulfilling. But with you and your friend no charge and no shape and no effort just lawless whims and whams. This also tends to happen with not so smart people in the West. Their lives are a mess. They have no control over themselves or their emotions and they have no knowledge to make anything positive ever happen to them and they don’t even try. It’s like if we could just apply our intelligence to scrutinise what we’ve got going on thoroughly and try building a positive environment together then we might go somewhere. Why is this whole thing limping along like it’s barely got any life in it? I could not contribute previously because I was shook and I was frayed and I was shellshocked and I was stricken. What’s your excuse? You’re a man in the relationship no less? You’re the guide and the shepherd? You didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt or think of me with compassion and understanding because you were self-obsessed and you were stupid, let’s admit it. My mood swing hurts you because you don’t understand my mood swing or why I have it or why you are directly responsible and why it’s ultimately not my fault. And because you don’t understand, you emotionally react. But Westerners are not emotionally reactive because they can think through situations well and their understanding which is prodigious compared to yours helps them look at things from a more objective and informed and compassionate point of view. Why can’t you be like that? Why can’t you think more? And feel less? Children are all about feelings, of course, that’s why they make terrible adults. They cannot rein themselves in because their thinking is poor especially when it comes to others and they have no genuine grasp of things and they don’t understand much of themselves either. Everything about them is a hit or miss and there’s no structure or order or purpose or meaning. They are weak-willed and they are selfish and they are unreliable. And they think barely and they act first and they feel inordinately. But the ability to think well defines what an adult is. And I want you to be an adult. Dial down the feelings and focus more on the cause and effect. Use your brain and not your fists. Use your heart and not your kneejerk reflex. It’s not that difficult.

— Salisa to Anton, September 15th, 2026