Salisa lohavittayavikant

“There’s something vile in the tendency of feeble men to make universal tragedies out of the sad comedies of their private woes.”

Fernando Pessoa

— Henry to Salisa, November 6th, 2025

Satisfied with dreams only when I’m not dreaming, satisfied with the world only when I’m dreaming far away from it. A swinging pendulum, back and forth, forever moving to arrive nowhere, eternally captive to the twin fatality of a centre and a useless motion.

— Fernando Pessoa

Salisa to Anton, today:

Too bad […] is never going to see the light of day. I would have gotten to know you and through it develop some kind of fondness or familiarity which was why I started it. You blew it for some reason not clear to anyone including your friends. But does anything you or I have done up to this point matter to you at all? Are there any considerations of anything in the past, any continuity, any coherence, any centre I can work with? Nope. You’re just a small child doing whatever he wishes at any stupid moment. Clinging on to his toys and his ideas. Which is why I said to you: it all doesn’t matter. Nothing ever did matter with you and nothing will, including you, me, or us. It’s just a fantasy game looping in your head. It’s not real to you. It never has any value, hence you don’t care about anything that happens. You see, care grounds us in the world, but you have no care in the world so why does anything matter? It all doesn’t matter. Nothing’s going to change with you or me. Your men stopped rooting for you a long while ago. Someone else will swoop me because they can see you are hopeless and pointless – all this ultimately pointless and never going to amount to anything. […]

I know I should be trying harder with you. Forget what you did or said, suck it up and do or be whatever you demand me to do or be. But you see, things matter with me and to me. They have weight, shape, significance, history, potentiality. They just matter and I remember and then act accordingly. You are better off with someone as frivolous as you are. No substance, barely scaffolding. Someone just as hopeless, pointless, and useless. […]

All you need to do, right now, is tell me when you’re coming so we can meet. And then come. Why do you think I’ve been pushing us to meet? You said to influence you, perhaps. No, you fuck, it’s to stop the carnage around us for which you are in large part directly and solely responsible. The longer we drag this on, the higher the risks, the higher the collateral. But of course, why would you understand anything and who could blame you? You are actually Lenny from Mice and Men, you know, which is why I don’t pity you. […]

There, I just called your highly revered and feared commander (to not get any wires crossed – Anton here) Lenny from Mice and Men. Come on, hit me boys. Or hit Berlin again for all I fucking care.

I know you will all think: how needless all this is. Why does this keep happening? Why can’t we put a stop to it? Why is it the same script over and over and over? Now you know the answer: you put Lenny here in a position of authority and so everyone must suffer as a result.

Congratulations Lenny, you’ve caused, including two more yesterday, thirty four deaths of my countrymen.